Its better to laugh for your health
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
jokes are the better pain killer
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
library jokes
1. Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.
2. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.
3. While looking at your book, turn so you’re facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"
4. Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.
5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You’re one of THEM!"
6. Put down you book, and look at him/her. When they says something like "what?", cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?"
7. Read your book. Upside down.
8. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the same way.
9. Flip the page every two or so seconds.
10. Pick up your book, put it down, and say, "Wow. That was a good book."
11. Read silently, and then as if speaking to the character in your book, say, "No, Jim! It's a trap! Don't do it!!" Then turn to the person and reply solemnly, "He did it." when he/she looks at you.
12. Turn to the person and ask, "Have you ever experienced déj?vu and amnesia at the same time?"
13. Start arguing with yourself, then when he/she looks at you funny, say "Ohh, I'm sorry. I was just telling my subconscious to be quiet."
14. Sit down, and then say to the person next to you, "Hi! My name's (? and I'm really glad to meet you."
15. Ask him/her if he/she knew there are eddies in the space/time continuum.
16. Ask him/her what species he/she is.
17. Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at your feet.
18. Bring a bag or purse, and peer into it and say, "Got enough air in their?" or, "Settle down in there. I'm trying to read!"
19. Ask them what their name is, and then when they start to reply, cut them off by saying, "No it isn't!"
20. Break the silence by making a bodily function noise, then say, "Wow! That was a good one!"
21. Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a strange sound, or a beep.
22. Announce the page number each time you turn a page.
23. Constantly shift in your seat, and if the person next to you asked what is wrong, reply by saying, "I'm constipated. Hehe."
24. Spell every single word as you read it.
25. Chew gum with your mouth open, and smack your lips while reading.
26. Act like you’re picking your nose. And eating it.
27. Snort loudly, and gargle with your spit.
28. Sneeze a lot.
29. Hold your book right next to your eyes.
30. Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down.
31. Stand up, and continue reading.
32. Make a strange sound every few minutes, then act like you didn't do it.
33. Bring a bag of cat food, and start snacking on it.
34. Bring a box of crunchy cereal, a bowl, and a spoon. Then dig in messily, and crunch on it.
35. Ask them, got milk??
36. Read out loud attempting to pronounce easy words. Butcher them badly. But be able to pronounce hard words.
37. Fall out of your seat, then say, meant to do that.?Then do it again. And again.
38. Bring a laptop, and turn up the sound, and play a very noisy game.
39. Wear too many sweaters, and complain how hot it is.
40. Bring one of those fans with a squirt bottle attached, and make it look like you’re attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them instead.
41. Bring a bottle of squirtable mouth freshener, and miss every time you try to spray it into your mouth.
42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or perfume.
43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on their book.
44. Put down your book, then say, ya wanna trade?
